apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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