And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
