Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
