There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
