I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
