I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
