My first STD was from a foam party
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
