I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
