She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
