i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
