haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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