i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
