I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I have post one night stand depression
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize