You work out of a Hotel?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
