Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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