oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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