Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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