She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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