I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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