I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
