We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
