I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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