There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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