Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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