I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
