I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I lost the right to judge tonight
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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