we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
