R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
