i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
