He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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