small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So many bounce houses so little time
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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