i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
