There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize