i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
