I think im going to throw up on grandma
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
