she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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