We won't sleep together?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
