God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
