Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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