she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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