ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
