thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
