i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My penis needs a shock collar
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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