i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize