Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I believe in your delicious
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
