coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
time to smoke my breakfast
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
