"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My Higher Power is John Stamos
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
