We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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