Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
