Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
