Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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