I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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