I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
