operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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