When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Need sex. Gaining weight.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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