I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
