Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
