She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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