sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
