Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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