I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
dude. I can hear the air.
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