hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
