Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
