he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
