I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
